I will die if light touches me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
