i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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