Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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