watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
