I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
