my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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