K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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