I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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