So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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