what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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