Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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