Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Screwed.edu
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
