Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
