It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
