I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
