God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm always down for nudity.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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