Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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