Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
