His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
