Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
