I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
