i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
