just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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