I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
