I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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