I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
