never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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