porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
