I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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