Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
