Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
