I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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