he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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