Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The Olympian is in my bed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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