Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
