I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
