He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
