just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
