I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
