just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
