I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
