Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
