My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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