I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
