do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize