I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
