I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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