I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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