I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We had to coat check the pizza.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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