Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
