we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
