This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
