It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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