are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
