i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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