You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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