OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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