btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
