if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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