So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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