Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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