I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
