are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
