I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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