Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize