It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
