I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
