I murdered the dance floor call the cops
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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