jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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