yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize